Grateful Heart

I'm not sure what it is about midnight, but that's usually when I seem to be the most contemplative. I need to get these thoughts down or my brain will never shut off and go to sleep! (I'm blaming it on the air of gratitude that comes with the week of Thanksgiving. ;) )

As I have been working on some Christmas presents that require me to look through all the photos of this past year, I cannot help but feel so incredibly blessed! I know it sounds totally cliché, but it's the truth. My bed is still just as uncomfortable as it was last year, my front room still has that weird yellowish paint on the walls, my backyard still lacks any 'purposeful' vegetation, but I don't even care. (Well, maybe a teeny bit...;\)  I can't believe how fast my girls are growing up, and I am in awe of the great little humans they are turning into. Daisy is no longer my cute little Daisy. Suddenly she's this independent, smart, beautiful, talented young lady. I have no idea how she came from me...! Zoey is still spunky, but she's not my squishy chubby babe anymore. She does things like "homework", make jokes that are actually hilarious, and knows just how to bat those beautiful eyes to get her way. My girls share a room and I love to listen to the pillow-talk they have every night (when they're not bickering, of course!) I'm realizing that this is their childhood, right at this moment. They will remember things, and my influence on them is more pressure-packed than ever! Then there's Max. How can he be TWO already?!? Obviously, I often forget his actual age until some stranger asks. In a selfish way, I kind of like that his development is slow. It helps me to keep my baby a baby a little while longer, and to truly relish in each milestone that my girls seemed to truck through so quickly. I'd say 75% of the time, being a mom to these three is a real struggle, because I want to be perfect and I'm so far from it. But then I have those other moments when they make me so proud and I (briefly) feel that maybe - just maybe - I'm doing something right....

I also, somehow, have this husband of mine that I in no way deserve. There is no doubt in my mind that Jeff was destined to be Max's dad. He is amazing. Never once did he ever make me feel like Max was "my fault". (Which, honestly, he kind of is...Its MY mutated gene, right?!?) Even when we were dating, the possibility of having a handicapped son was just NEVER an issue. I needed that more than he will ever realize. Jeff fiercely loves his son. It is obvious to everyone. I can't imagine struggling through life without him by my side. We're a team, and I am flabbergasted that he loves me even when I'm a stinky, stressed-out mess.

I've also been blessed with amazingly supportive friends, neighbors, and extended family, but that's a whole other post for another day.

So basically, I guess what I'm saying is, this Thanksgiving I'm just completely thankful for my little family. I still can't believe I'm a "Mom," but I really wouldn't trade it for anything. <3 <3 <3



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